Joined: 06 Aug 2004 Posts: 2038 Location: Kuala Lumpur Home Country: france
Posted: Sat Nov 04, 2006 9:17 pm Post subject: Jokes and funny stories..
My first contribution
DON'T CALL HOME FOR MONEY!
A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to
yell and scream,
"Where did you get that car?"
He calmly told them, "I bought it today."
"With what money?" demanded his parents.
We know what a Porsche costs.."
"Well," said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars."
So the parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a car like that
for fifteen dollars?" they asked.
"It was the lady up the street," said the boy. Don't know her name-they
just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted
to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars."
"Oh my Goodness!," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who
knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's
going on."
So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived
and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias. He introduced
himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche for
fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.
"Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I
thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he has run
off to Hawaii with his secretary and really doesn't intend to come back.
He claimed he was stranded and asked me to sell his new Porsche and send
him the money. So I did."
Gender: Age: 34 Zodiac: Joined: 08 Aug 2005 Posts: 4037 Location: Here, There & Everywhere Home Country: australia
Posted: Sun Nov 05, 2006 1:39 am Post subject:
Jim & Mary
Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital.
One day, while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank like a stone to the bottom and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.
When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act, he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her to be mentally stable.
When he went to tell her the news, he said, "Mary, I have good news & bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses". "The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hanged himself in the bathroom with the belt of his robe. I am so sorry, but he's dead".
Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry".
Gender: Age: 10 Zodiac: Joined: 28 Nov 2004 Posts: 7302 Location: Sydney- Australia Home Country: australia
Posted: Sat Nov 18, 2006 11:16 am Post subject:
A Captain in the foreign legion was transfered to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted mens barracks. He asked the Sargent leading the tour,
"What's the camel for?".
The Sargent replied "Well sir it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel."
The captain said "Well if it's good for moral, then I guess it's all right with me."
After he had been at the fort for about 6 months the captain could not stand it any more so he told his Sargent, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!" The sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captains quarters.
The captain got a foot stool & proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool, and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sargent, "Is that how the enlisted men do it?"
The Sargent replied, "Well sir, they usually just use the camel to ride into town to find the women.
Gender: Age: 10 Zodiac: Joined: 28 Nov 2004 Posts: 7302 Location: Sydney- Australia Home Country: australia
Posted: Tue Jan 09, 2007 10:57 am Post subject:
This little boy wakes up 3 nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents room. Finally one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noises and when I look in your bedroom you're bouncing up and down on him." His mom is taken by surprise and says, "Oh..well...ah....well I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again." And the boy says, "Well, that won't work!" His mom says, "Why?!?" And the boy replies, "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up!"
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